massage therapy journal

keeping you in touch.

  

In walking through the dark places with my patients, I come face-to-face with my own dark places. I know the pain of early trauma, abuse and challenge. I know what it means to be criticized and shut out for simply being who you are. I’ve lived what it means to recreate the dysfunction of my childhood in my own adult relationships, and I know the horror and pain of continued abuse.

I grew up with a depressed, withholding, attacking and critical mother. And I lived in the shadow of her abuse until the day she died. The abuse occurred between us. But, it also took up residence within me—I carried it with me into other relationships.

I’ve visited and transformed many of my dark places over the years. I toiled with this project for many years. I have read, written, prayed, studied, gone to therapists, made friends with my inner healer and found peace and meaning in giving back and in spiritual pursuits. But I never spoke much about my pain or my healing journey with my parents. My father and I only began to talk about it during the last years of his life. And, as my father lay dying he said to me, “I’m so proud of how much you are doing to help people. You had a lot to overcome. I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job protecting you. I didn’t realize how sick your mom was, or what was really going on. You told me she was ill, but I didn’t really understand what you meant. I wish I had.” He knew. He was sorry, and he didn’t want to leave this earthly life without telling me. He wanted to do what he could to make it right. “Dad, I forgive you,” I said. “It’s over. Everything is fine between us.” And I really meant it.

We all ache inside at times. We all carry pain and suffering with us. We owe it to ourselves to nurture our broken bits, and we owe it to one another to extend our hands in love. Resolve to give yourself the gift of acceptance and love. Pause for a moment to reflect and write. Be gentle and forgiving of yourself for errors and shortfalls. Remember that you are only human. You need self-love to be your best self. Resolve to be there for yourself and to extend yourself to someone else… just a little bit more than you did the day before. In giving, we heal. In loving, you will be renewed.

Eve A. Wood, MD, is clinical associate professor of medicine at the University of Arizona Program in Integrative Medicine. She is the award-winning author of There’s Always Help; There’s Alway’s Hope, 10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life, and The Stop Anxiety Now Kit. Eve is also the host of a weekly call-in radio show on www.HayHouseRadio.com. Her therapeutic approach has attracted attention and acclaim from the nation’s leading authorities in the fields of medicine, health and spiritual well-being. For more information about Eve, visit her website at www.drevewood.com.

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